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FANDOM: Torchwood
SUMMARY: Children of Earth fix-it, like apparently every other Torchwood story I write at the moment. Part of my Five Ways The World Was Put Right series.
SPOILERS: Children of Earth
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Oh, come on. You know you want it to be true.
DISCLAIMER: : On a scale of One to Not Mine, these characters are Not Mine. They belong to a lot of terribly important and official people who work for big companies and get salaries and basically aren’t me. Suing me for copyright infringement would be pointless and unprofitable, I swear. A Weevil once bit my sister.

Skr'eeka!a was perturbed.

This was a deeply unusual occurrence. As a representative of the Great Ka!askruka'ee Empire and appointed Guardian of the Sector 9*1.5 Temporal Annoyance, she generally had a very high perturbation threshold. It took a great deal to make her lose her composure.

She perched contemplatively on a conveniently craggy stone building and surveyed the wreckage, both actual and metaphorical. Her roost had been demolished, the humans she'd been carefully training for nearly two years now were almost entirely dead, and Kaak - who as an immortal and former Time Agent really should have known better - had given up and left the planet entirely.

She was going to have to peck him quite hard when it was all settled, that was for darn sure. She might even have to regurgitate on his bed again. Not only had he let the timelines get into a hopeless tangle, he'd let her favourite human - the one with the soft, unpronounceable name who brought her offerings of delicious salty fish - get inconveniently poisoned.

It was an unmitigated disaster.

She sighed and activated her subspace communicator. There was nothing for it. She'd have to requisition the biggest Time Flap since the Oncoming Storm's old school friend built that paradox machine and just deal with the reports and disciplinary actions later. Central Command was going to be livid.

The communicator chirped acknowledgment of her request and indicated a tentative go-ahead pending Command-level approval of her plan of action. Skr'eeka!a studiously ignored this last part. Ironically, there simply wasn't enough time for bureaucracy.

She arranged herself carefully on her ledge, claws aligned with linear time and wings outstretched over the Metaphorical Spectrum. She tilted her head along the Ninth Gallifreyan Axis, pinned the necessary events in place with her beak, and then flapped her wings as hard as she could.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Bloody Christ Almighty!" Owen bellowed as Myfanwy's latest shriek made him spill coffee down his front. "What the hell is wrong with that overgrown chicken?"

"She almost sounds like she's having an argument with someone," Gwen said musingly, and willfully ignored Owen's incredulous snort. "Tosh, are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Tosh said reassuringly, snatching her hand away from her stomach. "Just a bit of a stomachache, that's all."

"Tell me about it," Owen grumbled. "That squawking's giving me heartburn too."

Like magic, Ianto appeared with a mug of tea. "Peppermint," he said, setting it down next to Tosh's elbow. "Should help settle your stomach."

"Why don't I get soothing tea?" Owen asked petulantly.

"You shouldn't have made fun of Myfanwy."

"I can't believe you named - "

There was a crash from Jack's office, and a split-second later the Captain staggered through the door, half-dressed and panicked.

"Jack, are you all right?"

"I - " Jack stopped, staring at them all in confusion. "I'm fine, it's - are you - is everything all right up here? I thought... Everything's all right?"

"Yes, Jack, everything's fine," Gwen said, soothingly and not without a little wariness.

"Oh." Jack straightened, looking a little embarrassed. "Well, that's... good. Um." Myfanwy screeched again, high above. "What's wrong with Myfanwy?"

Owen rolled his eyes and looked ready to take up the Myfanwy Naming Debate again, but Ianto stepped in. "I'll bring her some kippers. That usually calms her down."

"Good," Jack said, the earlier confusion gone from his face. "All that shrieking is giving me a headache."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Ianto had to admit, once he got up to Myfanwy's nest, that the pterodactyl did look uncannily as if she was having an argument with someone. Her wings were spread and her crest was raised in what Ianto recognized as classic confrontation body language, but the shrieking cut off abruptly and her body language calmed as soon as Ianto climbed up through the access hole. She even looked, for want of a better description, a little sheepish at having caused such a fuss.

"There, girl," Ianto cooed, and was more than a little gratified when Myfanwy cooed back. She took the kippers delicately from his hands and smacked him in the head with her beak in what Ianto had, over time, decided was an affectionate way.

"Do you think you could keep it down for a little while?" Ianto asked, scratching the hard-to-reach spot on the back of her head. "I can get Jack out of here for a few hours tonight if you want to shout some more."

Myfanwy hummed and hit him with her beak again. Owen would laugh if he ever said it out loud, but there were times when Ianto was nearly positive that Myfanwy could understand him.

"Good." He gave her one final scratch and the last kipper, then climbed back down out of sight.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Skr'eeka!a sighed. It actually hadn't turned out that badly - she was on probation, her Time Flap ability had been taken away, and she'd been summoned to a full disciplinary hearing at the Nest Ship, but events had also righted themselves satisfactorily. Kaak had given her some problems - time-shifting a Fact was always tricky, and it was possible she'd accidentally left one of his kidneys behind - but the others had slid back into their rightful places as easily as if they'd been waiting for the opportunity.

Now there was just the hearing to get through, and things could get back to normal. She clacked her beak thoughtfully.

Maybe if she brought the Review Board some of those delicious salty fish...

Other stories in the series:
A Confluence of Personalities (a.k.a. The Crossover)
Saving the World (a.k.a. The One With Time Travel)
Torchwood Does Dallas (a.k.a. The Cliche)
Following Orpheus (a.k.a. The One That Could Actually Work)


( 42 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 13th, 2009 05:00 pm (UTC)

I love this! Funny and perfect!
Dec. 13th, 2009 05:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!!
Dec. 13th, 2009 06:29 pm (UTC)
That was priceless! I just love the idea of MyFanwy saved the day & the others have no clue.
Dec. 13th, 2009 07:29 pm (UTC)
It was so much fun coming up with her! The idea of the Fearless Alien Catchers being carefully watched over was too appealing to pass up. ;-)
Dec. 13th, 2009 07:11 pm (UTC)
Dec. 13th, 2009 07:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you!!
Dec. 13th, 2009 07:33 pm (UTC)
What a delight! Thank you for the giggle.

Dec. 13th, 2009 08:27 pm (UTC)
You are most welcome!
Dec. 13th, 2009 08:17 pm (UTC)
I love it, especially the idea that Myfanwy had basically been in charge all along. :D
Dec. 13th, 2009 08:29 pm (UTC)
It's just so much fun to think about, I couldn't not share!

Love your icon, btw.
Dec. 13th, 2009 09:14 pm (UTC)
Dec. 13th, 2009 09:19 pm (UTC)
*basks in love* ;-)
Dec. 14th, 2009 12:45 am (UTC)
That was wonderful! The communication difficulties are hilarious, I love that she 'talks' to Ianto by thumping him on the head :)
Dec. 14th, 2009 03:00 am (UTC)
It's a love tap! Honest!

Glad you enjoyed. ;-)
Dec. 14th, 2009 12:58 am (UTC)
I also love you. Very, very much.

*smushes you*
Dec. 14th, 2009 03:00 am (UTC)
*slightly smushed* I feel very loved! ;-)
Dec. 14th, 2009 08:54 am (UTC)
No one messes with Myfanwy's nest. No one!

I <3 this fic.
Dec. 14th, 2009 11:35 am (UTC)
Or her pets people! ;-)
Dec. 15th, 2009 11:12 am (UTC)
chortles with glee. I knew it could be fixed somehow.
Dec. 15th, 2009 11:37 am (UTC)
Can there be any doubt that the Pterodactyl of Awesome could make everything better?!? ;-)
Dec. 15th, 2009 04:48 pm (UTC)
Bwa! Lovely and funny.
Dec. 16th, 2009 12:09 am (UTC)
Thanks - I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Dec. 19th, 2009 11:12 am (UTC)
Brilliant! Myfanwy fixed everthing! Now if she'd just go and eat RTD to prevent future anomalies....
Very funny, very inventive, very clever! Thanks for sharing =)
Dec. 19th, 2009 01:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! To eat RTD, Myfanwy might have to call in some extra help. Maybe Janet's up for an adventure...? ;-)
Jan. 3rd, 2010 09:49 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed this and I love that the fix it brought back Owen and Tosh too. So nice to see them happy unaware of what transpired. She's a smart girl that Myfawny (Skr'eeka!a)
Jan. 9th, 2010 12:58 pm (UTC)
Thank you - I'm glad you liked it! I tried to be all reasonable and stuff... but I really liked Tosha and Owen, so if I was going to change everything anyway, I figured "Why not?"

And Myfanwy has always been awesome, so this was just the logical extension of that. ;-)
Jan. 9th, 2010 01:00 pm (UTC)
I'm still not quite over Tosh & Owen. Fanfic is a great way of dealing with that.
Jan. 9th, 2010 01:03 pm (UTC)
Heck yeah! It's gotten to the point where I totally judge new fandoms on their fanfic.
Jan. 10th, 2010 07:21 am (UTC)
Yes! I hated in CoE they just left Myfanwy out. They didn't tell us if she was killed in the bombing or not. Besides the other glaring reasons for hating CoE that pissed me off a lot. I love that you made her a guardian and how she consider the Torchwood team her pets. Lovely!
Jan. 10th, 2010 02:27 pm (UTC)
I know!! As soon as the Hub was destroyed, I was like "Yes, yes, very sad... but what about Myfanwy?!?"

She was kind of a ridiculous amount of fun to write. ;-)
Feb. 15th, 2010 03:13 am (UTC)
Maybe if she brought the Review Board some of those delicious salty fish...

Oh yes, she's a crafty one, but hanging around Ianto can't have hurt things!
Feb. 23rd, 2010 12:30 am (UTC)
I like to imagine that she would of course have to bring Ianto along to serve the salty fish. INTERGALACTIC ROAD TRIP! ;-)
Feb. 18th, 2010 03:12 am (UTC)
How on earth did I miss seeing this one? It's wonderful - it was possible she'd accidentally left one of his kidneys behind. :D
Feb. 23rd, 2010 12:31 am (UTC)
That was totally my favourite line to write! ;-)
Feb. 18th, 2010 05:50 am (UTC)
Oh, man. *snickers uncontrollably* Thank-you so, so very much for writing this. It utterly made my day. :D
Feb. 23rd, 2010 12:32 am (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it! Love your icon, btw. ;-)
Apr. 8th, 2010 05:47 am (UTC)
A friend of mine pointed me this way, and I'm awfully glad she did! I adore Myfanwy, and am insanely gleeful that you came up with the Time Flap technique and the Sector 9*1.5 Temporal Annoyance. I had great fun reading this aloud to my husband, who also loves Myfanwy and acts as my beta. He was quite impressed with my vocal rendition of her real name, so I think you've transliterated it quite well, here.

My only major concern (other than the fact that I had failed to recognize 'Myfanwy's' actual name and designation before you pointed it out, of course) is that I am unlikely to be able to write Jack/Ianto stories as easily as I once could, because now that I know his real name, I must confess that 'Kaak/Ianto' just lacks a certain ... something. Although it's a lot better than 'Ianto/Kaak', which would be truly unfortunate to say out loud.

Thank you for writing this. I just hope that Jack - er, Kaak - and his kidney are soon reunited. The latter has been troubling my neighborhood for the past few days, now that the weather has warmed a bit, and we've run out of Kidney Chow.


Edited at 2010-04-08 05:51 am (UTC)
Apr. 8th, 2010 11:15 am (UTC)
I know, 'Kaak' just sounds kind of... regurgitative, doesn't it?

I do apologize for the kidney! I'm sorry it has been propositioning bothering your neighborhood. I shall send a retrieval team forthwith.
Apr. 8th, 2010 07:39 am (UTC)
Oh my god I love you. You, and your delicious salty fish.
Apr. 8th, 2010 11:15 am (UTC)
Thank you!! ;-)
Jun. 1st, 2010 04:17 am (UTC)
Best CoE fix-it ever! I love your Myfanwy...er, Skr'eeka!a.
Jun. 1st, 2010 11:22 am (UTC)
Thank you - and I love your icon!
( 42 comments — Leave a comment )



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